A child pretending to be a dinosaur

I told my therapist that I had made all the scary decisions within 24 hours. A week ago, I had called the estate agent to take on the railway arch for my dream rugmaking studio. & I broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years the same day.

My therapist asked me how I felt making all these big plans. That morning, I had heard a child on his way to the primary school opposite my flat, roaring like a t-rex. The whimsy of wanting to be a prehistoric reptile made me smile. I told her, ‘I feel like a child pretending to be a dinosaur.’

With all the adult choices I was about to make, I was doubting my capabilities. The big things, like taking on my first commercial lease, sorting my own bin collection, and making enough money to afford it. I’d been looking at refit costs, and the flooring alone would cost about £10k. Although I’d been running a business for years, this was more real. I was going from an artist studio community to doing it all by myself. There were lots of new things I was about to learn, like accessible bathroom requirements and how to fit a kitchen.

I was petrified of starting all over again, of it all going wrong, of trying and failing. On one hand, I could completely decimate my finances and end up in debt. Or, I could achieve the goal I’d been working towards for 10 years. Like I’m pretending to be a tufting artist who runs a rugmaking studio in a railway arch. That’s pretty whimsical.